xetaganda (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} xetaganda) wrote,@ 2008-03-28 23:38:00 |
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A bit of my history in draft form
The last time my waistline was this size (*only* 33 inches) was 20 years ago ... way back in 1988. In 1989 the great tragedy of our lives happened ... our only child drowned (age 19). My weight spiraled upward until I weighed 269 pounds at the beginning of 2004 (4 years ago already). After our son's death I began to have major depressions (one lasting for 18 months) and was finally diagnosed as having bipolar disorder (triggered by the stress of our son's death, according to the doctor). I was also prediabetic during this time, eating too much of the wrong foods (bad carbs, bad fats), and getting very little exercise.
That last disabling major depression lasted for only 4 months, during which time my weight dropped about 25 pounds. I was eating infrequently and not much, often just one meal per day. Emerging from the depression in June, I began to take my doctor's advice (start measuring blood sugar, start following the South Beach Diet guidelines). My weight at that time (June-July, 2004) was 244 pounds.
At the end of that last major depression I (we, husband and I) made the decision that I needed to retire from work because of the bipolar disorder ... that I needed to stay home and take better care of both of us. In September I began to receive Social Security Disability benefits, then two years later Medicare benefits.
I originally lost weight (from 244 down to 220 pounds), beginning in late July, 2004, on the South Beach Diet; and I walked a lot during that weight loss. On August 9th I joined a group of wonderful people online who live with diabetes and do the best they can with what they have. They are courageous, kind, patient, caring, sharing, giving, supportive, understanding, compassionate friends, some of whom have been members of the group since I joined in 2004.
I maintained that initial weight loss (220 pounds) for a year and a half. During that maintenance phase time I was physically inactive for the most part. As it turned out later, exercise was key to my continued weight loss. I had not been successful except for 2 short times in my adult life in keeping up any kind of exercise program.
Then things in my life got stressful again (my 'Florida family' stuff) ... though nothing like the stress of the loss of our son; and I stopped doing a good job of taking care of myself; and 18 of my hard-earned pounds 'lost' returned (in the form of body fat).
Acting upon my doctor's good advice, in November, 2006 I joined a gym and hired a personal trainer and began to work with the trainer frequently and very intensely ... with the goal of getting my weight down into the healthy range while maintaining muscle and gaining strength and fitness. It was also my goal to make regular exercise a habit, something I had not been able to do on my own.
Yet, even with the gym membership and the guidance of the trainer, it was up to me (my responsibility) to do the hard work. And I have and will continue to do so. I have a passion for better health and fitness. I am persistent. And the hard part is being patient ... like most people I want it now.
I continue being committed and determined to reach my goals. And I feel so much better and happier now than I did before. I feel successful. I have hope for more good results to come.
I suffered through many recurring depressions (chronic, low level but very real, biochemical). After our son's death in 1989 I began to have mood swings (increasing in intensity and frequency and severity over time), incapacitating long major depressions, culminating in a diagnosis (about 10 years later) of bipolar disorder (newer name for manic depression).
I have now been free of any signs of depression for the past 4 years ... 4 years and counting, knocking on wood, and grateful every day that I am free from depression. I believe that this is in large part because I am doing a much better job of taking care of myself now ... still learning to do a better job as I go along. Still a little anxious whenever I think about the possibility of another depression ... understandably so. Or maybe one has to experience this type of recurrent clinical, incapacitating, major depression (or live with and care for someone who does) to understand my residual anxiety.
Good night. Have a fine weekend ... it's the last one in March (already)!
The last time my waistline was this size (*only* 33 inches) was 20 years ago ... way back in 1988. In 1989 the great tragedy of our lives happened ... our only child drowned (age 19). My weight spiraled upward until I weighed 269 pounds at the beginning of 2004 (4 years ago already). After our son's death I began to have major depressions (one lasting for 18 months) and was finally diagnosed as having bipolar disorder (triggered by the stress of our son's death, according to the doctor). I was also prediabetic during this time, eating too much of the wrong foods (bad carbs, bad fats), and getting very little exercise.
That last disabling major depression lasted for only 4 months, during which time my weight dropped about 25 pounds. I was eating infrequently and not much, often just one meal per day. Emerging from the depression in June, I began to take my doctor's advice (start measuring blood sugar, start following the South Beach Diet guidelines). My weight at that time (June-July, 2004) was 244 pounds.
At the end of that last major depression I (we, husband and I) made the decision that I needed to retire from work because of the bipolar disorder ... that I needed to stay home and take better care of both of us. In September I began to receive Social Security Disability benefits, then two years later Medicare benefits.
I originally lost weight (from 244 down to 220 pounds), beginning in late July, 2004, on the South Beach Diet; and I walked a lot during that weight loss. On August 9th I joined a group of wonderful people online who live with diabetes and do the best they can with what they have. They are courageous, kind, patient, caring, sharing, giving, supportive, understanding, compassionate friends, some of whom have been members of the group since I joined in 2004.
I maintained that initial weight loss (220 pounds) for a year and a half. During that maintenance phase time I was physically inactive for the most part. As it turned out later, exercise was key to my continued weight loss. I had not been successful except for 2 short times in my adult life in keeping up any kind of exercise program.
Then things in my life got stressful again (my 'Florida family' stuff) ... though nothing like the stress of the loss of our son; and I stopped doing a good job of taking care of myself; and 18 of my hard-earned pounds 'lost' returned (in the form of body fat).
Acting upon my doctor's good advice, in November, 2006 I joined a gym and hired a personal trainer and began to work with the trainer frequently and very intensely ... with the goal of getting my weight down into the healthy range while maintaining muscle and gaining strength and fitness. It was also my goal to make regular exercise a habit, something I had not been able to do on my own.
Yet, even with the gym membership and the guidance of the trainer, it was up to me (my responsibility) to do the hard work. And I have and will continue to do so. I have a passion for better health and fitness. I am persistent. And the hard part is being patient ... like most people I want it now.
I continue being committed and determined to reach my goals. And I feel so much better and happier now than I did before. I feel successful. I have hope for more good results to come.
I suffered through many recurring depressions (chronic, low level but very real, biochemical). After our son's death in 1989 I began to have mood swings (increasing in intensity and frequency and severity over time), incapacitating long major depressions, culminating in a diagnosis (about 10 years later) of bipolar disorder (newer name for manic depression).
I have now been free of any signs of depression for the past 4 years ... 4 years and counting, knocking on wood, and grateful every day that I am free from depression. I believe that this is in large part because I am doing a much better job of taking care of myself now ... still learning to do a better job as I go along. Still a little anxious whenever I think about the possibility of another depression ... understandably so. Or maybe one has to experience this type of recurrent clinical, incapacitating, major depression (or live with and care for someone who does) to understand my residual anxiety.
Good night. Have a fine weekend ... it's the last one in March (already)!
